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The Reel Life: Short lunch edition

5 Dec 2013

When you're a kid, the only salvation from a long school day is the 30-45 minutes you get to spend with your friends during lunch.

But if school wasn't already miserable enough, the adults in charge are trying to sap as much fun out of the experience as possible. Today, a half hour for lunch, much less 45 minutes or an hour, is a luxury. Most schools allow students 15 minutes to eat, and some get even less time, according to an NPR report.

Has the world gone insane? The Reel Life issues our deepest sympathies for any child subjected to this maddening new policy. Fifteen minutes is barely enough time to leave class, get to the cafeteria open your lunch, propose trades with other kids for their lunch items, calculate both the absolute and marginal values of the items involved in these trades and, you know, actually eat.

Whatever happened to the good old days where lunch periods were filled with mashed potato throwing, rubber band slingshots and blatantly illegal (yet carefully concealed) dice games? Nowadays there isn't time for such shenanigans, and it's a damn shame.

Once again, The Reel Life knows what's best for the children of the world. Please use our guidance as the standard in your child rearing endeavors. (Note: The Reel Life is not liable for any injuries, physical or financial, caused by you listening to our guidance.)

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