Cyprus and Monaco adventures: Part 1
By Rebecca Liggero
I know, this is getting old. Enough about the Swedes, but I cannot resist mentioning some of the Swedish characters that joined us in Cyprus. Lets begin with Erik Good Looking. Yes, you know who he is- part of the Unibet dynamic duo, perfectly tan, the only one who can pull off showing up at the pool along with a bath robe, slippers and perfect hair. On the other hand we have Henrik of Carlos Poker, the casual, blonde and fair skinned entertainer, the ultimate dance floor king, and lover of sushi. Somewhere in between we have Tomas from Affiliate Lounge, a very good friend and the inventor of the x-rated term "såja" which originating in Costa Rica and quickly made its way around the world. Lastly we have Gnuf's Henrik, the most sunburned person ever, who apparently skipped out on Fortune Affiliate's Friday night party. Henrik, shame on you! And I thought you were Swedish.
After blessing a Cyprus club's dance floor with our presence until 4am, the diehards of the group (mostly Swedes...big surprise there) decided to continue the party. Where to? A strip club, obviously. We arrived at the club, purchased a round of drinks for 10 Euro apiece, and then realized there were zero humans in the club besides our rather intoxicated group, not even one stripper. Not one! What kind of strip club doesn't have any strippers? What a joke. It all worked out though- Peter decided to put on a little show for us and it turned out to be wayyy hotter than any female strip show I've ever seen.
Hail to the Boat Chief and the AffiliateClub.com team! There is something that the Boat Chief adds to a conference, something very special that no one else can duplicate. I know! He throws people into pools. He also hires incredible affiliate managers, two of which entertained us throughout the conferences in Cyprus. First we have Katerina, the Czechoslovakian bathing beauty with a figure so flattering that even I couldn't help but stare. Second we have Claire, and after one late night in Cyprus, I have decided she is my new partner in crime on the dance floor. Next time she is getting dragged to the stripper-free strip bar with Peter and the rest of the Swedes!!!!
Who is Laura, right? Laura is an innocent, decent looking and "attainable" French girl who works at the Grand Resort, our conference hotel in Cyprus. A certain someone on our trip took an interest in Laura and consistently looked for her around the resort- even yelling out her name at times- especially during the evening hours. See, something happens when a female (me) spends five days and nights with large groups of young men (most of you)...you learn some things that you wish you never knew, such as the term "attainable". Let me tell you ladies, it's best that you do not fall into this category. It is not a horrible insult, but it's not exactly a compliment either. Lets leave it at that.
Tycoon Bar = The Twilight Zone
For those of you who came to Cyprus, were you lucky enough to experience a meal or two at the Tycoon Bar in the Grand Resort? I sure did, and let me tell you, when you enter that establishment you are definitely entering another planet. One night the Tycoon Bar featured very loud and very live 80's synthesizer music along with a "45 minute wait" for food. However, after 30 minutes of waiting and asking how much longer, the response would always be "45 minutes". I mean, what?! One person ordered something and it never came- everyone else's order arrived eventually, but his did not. On several separate occasions I ordered a Greek sandwich, same menu item, same restaurant, but the outcome was completely different each time. Yea. Twilight Zone.
Why is it that I am continually encouraged to take unnecessary tequila shots but heavily discouraged from jogging during a conference? I think my jogging habits might have scarred Michael Caselli for life- you should have seen the look on his face when I left the pool to change into my running gear. You should have seen the look on the faces when I jogged past the Prime Partners BBQ along the water...pure horrification! Granted, the CAP Spring Break mentality does not even remotely resemble health, but give me a break here! Going for jogs during a conference is the only way I can rid my body of toxins and force myself to go out drinking seven nights in a row.
Everything about SEO expert Bob Rains is awesome. Lets begin with the simple facts: 1)He ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne available at the Grand Resort poolside bar. During lunch. 2)He carries around a boom box from 1985 and everyone around him thinks it's cool. 3)He blasts music from the boom box and yells at the poolside staff when they adjust the volume without his permission. 4)He is 10 times my size...at LEAST. 5)He manages to insert his not so favorable opinion on George Bush during his Online Casino Reports CAP Spring Break Video interview. 6)He hangs with Marcus Tandler, the SEO German legend and Cyprus ASOP champion. I think I have made my point.